Disclaimer: This is Not Your Child

by Steve Loiaconi

After recent tragic events at Holman Elementary School, your child’s memories have been downloaded to the enclosed synthoid. Please charge the robot for at least 36 hours using a USB cable (not included) before activation.

While lifelike, this robot is not “alive.” It is a silicone-covered android equipped with advanced artificial intelligence that replicates human voice and behavior patterns. The exterior is coated with a proprietary chemical solution that approximates the warmth and feel of human skin but might be toxic upon prolonged exposure. By opening this box, you acknowledge and accept all associated health risks.

Under the Saving Our Remembrance and Recognition to Offset Wallowing (SORROW) Act, you are entitled to keep this synthoid for twelve months. Applications for an extension require a recommendation from a licensed therapist. Once returned, your child’s memories will be purged from the database.

As a participant in the Federal Adolescent Brainwave (FAB) Database, your child’s memories have been uploaded to Grief-Tech’s servers on a quarterly basis. Therefore, do not be alarmed if your synthoid does not recall events that occurred within the last three months. If it suffers significant memory lapses involving prior events—or if it appears to have latent memories of another child’s life—please contact customer support.

Do not hug the robot and do not, under any circumstances, attempt to teach it to dance.

The U.S. government and Grief-Tech LLC are not liable for any emotional or physical trauma caused by your synthoid.

We are sorry for your loss.

Steve Loiaconi is a journalist and a graduate of George Mason University’s MFA program. His fiction previously appeared in Griffel, the Mystery Tribune, Mythaxis, Zooscape, and the Saturday Evening Post, as well as the anthologies Open All Night, Why Didn’t You Just Leave, and Found 2. He lives in Washington, DC, with his wife, son, and dog. His work can be found at steveloiaconi.wordpress.com.